Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

““Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?”

“I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.”

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.”

“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”

“A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club.”

“Ah,” said Magnus. “Nerd love. It is a beautiful thing, while also being an object of mockery and hilarity for those of us who are more sophisticated.”

“Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.”

“Well finish your story anyway.”

“Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.”