Humor Quote by David Sedaris — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”

“At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.”

“As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.”

“Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.”

“Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan.”

“Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.”

“Humor was a good way to hide the pain.”

“Hush Hattie!" I said, intoxicated with my success. "I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry the prince." I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, "I shan't marry the prince." I turned back into the hall and ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. "I shan't marry you." I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me.”

“When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”

“It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”

“He’s not feeling well,” Clary said, catching at Simon’s wrist. “We’re going.”

“I can still kick your pony-lovin' butt with twice this much pain.”