Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”

“Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.”

““Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!”

“Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots”

“Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give.”

“You smell good," he whispered into my neck. He was warm against me. Instinctively, I arched back into him and smiled.”

“Hey, look—your”

“Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.”

“A mother, you son-of-a-bitch, is sacred!”