Humor Quote by Augusten Burroughs — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.”

“Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.”

“Well, that's an evil smile...”

“Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health.”

“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”

“People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.”

“The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.”

“Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.”