Humor Quote by Groucho Marx — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Humor is reason gone mad.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.”

“Before I leave the bathroom, I pinch my cheeks hard to bring blood to the surface of my skin. It’s stupid, but I don’t want to look weak and exhausted in front of everyone.”

“My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.”

“I think it's kinda nice.' And I did. my mom isn't famous for her pies. No, she's famous for defusing a nuclear device in Brussels with only a pair of cuticle scissors and a ponytail holder. Somehow, at the moment, pies seemed cooler.”

“As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.”

“This is what it's all been about with you," he said in an even tone. "All the fear, all the running. The nightmares." When she nodded, he said, "You called him the devil.”