“I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere ...” — Paula Poundstone Quote

“I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.”

“I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.”

“I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.”

“I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.”

“I've played a ghost, cat, snake. I've been funny, sad. I've been filmed flying on screen. So why not spend time on something else? I don't need to accept everything I'm offered.”

“I like being funny; I like laughing with people.”