Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.”

“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”

“Happiness is a Swedish sunset it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.”

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.”

“There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.”

“The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.”

“Then there were the shabti, magical figurines that were supposed to come to life when summoned. A few months ago, I’d fallen for a girl named Zia Rashid, who’d turned out to be a shabti. Falling in love for the first time had been hard enough. But when the girl you like turns out to be ceramic and cracks to pieces before your eyes—well, it gives “breaking your heart” a new meaning.”

“Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE.”

“When one thing takes another away, what do we call that?” she asked my class. “Homicide!” I called out”

“Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.”

“I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.”

“Fred, you next," the plump woman said.”