Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

“Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.”

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“Fortunately, among werewolf women, the word "bitch" is not offensive. I was having a lot of fun with that.”

“I don't like to think of it as 'stolen'. They have no proof that I didn't plan on giving it back.”

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.”

“The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.”

“If we're going to the Silent City, you might want to get dressed. I mean, I appreciate the bra-and-panties look, but I don't know if the Silent Brothers will. There are only a few of the left, and I don't want them to die of excitement.”

“if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones.”