Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.”

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.”

“There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.”

“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

“Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove!”

“Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy.”

“Hey, look—your”

“Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.”

“For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.”

“Yeah, but the lost diadem," said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, "is”

“You have something on your neck.”