Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.”

“Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.”

“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

“Happiness is a sunset - it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.”

“When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work.”

“Before we go, I gotta know: If mind-reading abilities are real, there's something else I wondered if fiction got right about vampires-”

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“Down there between our legs, it's like an entertainment complex in the middle of a sewage system. Who designed that?”

“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.”

“Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto”