Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.”

“That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.”

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

“A proof once established is better left so.”

“Familiarity breeds contempt and children.”

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”

“Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.”

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

“Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.”

“THE WOMAN WAS GOING TO KILL HIM, and not because she was stronger and more vicious than he was. Which, if he thought about it, she was. He’d never ripped a man’s throat out with his teeth, and he was damned impressed that Gwen had. She’d made the Lords of the Underworld look like marshmallows.”

“The big difference between my mom and me-- besides the fact that she is dead normal and I'm a magic-handling freak-- is that she's the real thing. She may have a slight problem seeing other people's points of view, but she's”

“It's not like there's a law against flying.”