Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

“Life itself is only a vision, a dream.”

“A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“I can last two months on a good compliment.”

“A God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave is angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell--mouths mercy, and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!”

“Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?”

“I swear that woman had a previous career as a death-hunter selling tragic ballads down around the Seven Dials," said Will. "And I do wish she wouldn't sing about poisoning just after we've eaten.”

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.”

“A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.”

“She frowned at me. "You need some rest. You look like hell. And you're obviously tired enough to have gotten the giggles.”

“You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?”