Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Happiness is a Swedish sunset it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.”

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.”

“Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.”

“I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English―it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them―then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.”

“A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.”

“Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.”

“Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys.”

“You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?”

“Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people.”

“An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.”

“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”