Humor Quote by Lemony Snicket — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“My silence knot is tied up in my hair; as if to keep my love out of my eyes. I cannot speak to one for whom i care. A hatpin serves as part of my disguise.”

“Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said.”

“Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.”

“This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.”

“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”

“It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening.”

“And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.”

“No one can be right all the time, but it helps to be right most of the time.”

“I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.”

“My parents are going to kill me!”

“It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.”

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.”