Humor Quote by Stephen Colbert — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”

“America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.”

“Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.”

“Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.”

“Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.”

“So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”

“No single thing abides; and all things are fucked up.”

“For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”

“I hate girls that giggle all the time...”

“Civilization is vastly overrated.”

“But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were in line for...or if the bastard was going to make you throw up your corn dog and your cotton candy all over the place.”

“I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.”