Humor Quote by Dave Barry — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”

“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”

“I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'”

“The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”

“Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.”

“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”

“Was that you, Pooky Bear?”

“I don't know if anyone's ever told you this", he begins. He doesn't blush, and his eyes don't dart away. Instead I find myself staring into a pair of oceans - one perfect, the other blemished by that tiny ripple. "You're very attractive.”

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

“Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something.”

“Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?”

“Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.”