Humor Quote by Dave Barry — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”

“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”

“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”

“I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.”

“I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'”

“Of course. Because at the Gallagher Academy, "precautions" usually equals "voluntary shock therapy.”

“Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.”

“Alec?" Magnus was staring at him. He had dispatched the remaining Iblis demons, and the square was empty but for the two of them. "Did you just- did you just save my life?”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”

“Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.”

“In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.”