Humor Quote by Dave Barry — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.”

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”

“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”

“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”

“I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you," Westley said, lying pleasantly on the bed. "What I’m going to tell you is this: drop your sword, and if you do, then I will leave with this baggage here"—he glanced at Buttercup—"and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive.”

“When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”

“Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.”

“The philosopher”

“I don't believe in faeries!”

“Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!”