Humor Quote by James Patterson — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous.”

“Marty, my mother used to say "Never get greedy with God." I think what she meant was "Don't dare ask for more if you already have what you need."”

“Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.”

“Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?”

“They turned to Angel. "We will call you Little One," the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing.”

“The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective.”

“I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.”

“I always listen to you. Except when I don't.”

“It doesn't matter how fat I get, my online avatars are unchanging.”

“I sometimes think I prefer suitors in books rather than right in front of me. How awful, backward, cowardly, and mentally warped that will be if it turns out to be true.”

“I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?”

“What do you read, Westbay? Romance novels?” She said it like reading romance was on par with chronic farting.”