Humor Quote by Darynda Jones — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.”

“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”

“You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.”

“Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT”

“I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.”

“Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.”

“Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?”

“You understand Teacher, don't you, that when you have a mother who's an angel and a father who is a cannibal king, and when you have sailed on the ocean all your whole life, then you don't know just how to behave in school with all the apples and ibexes.”

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”

“To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.”

“Mom says it's because she has PMS.”

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”