Humor Quote by Dave Barry — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”

“Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.”

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”

“If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.”

“I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.”

“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”

“At least I'm not a font nerd.”

“Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.”

“Oh, goodie," Puck said as I stepped forward. "I'm going to have a rash in the most uncomfortable places.”

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.”

“How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding.”

“We were just looking at maps...”