Humor Quote by Jeff Kinney — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Monkeys can't talk, stupid!”

“I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,”

“Zoo-Wee Mama!”

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”

“In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public office of trust or profit in the Republic. But I do not repine, for I am a subject of it only by force of arms.”

“If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gogh, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.”

“I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.”

“So," he called to her back, "Just out of curiosity, you know, purely conversation and all, at what age”

“Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.”

“I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book.”