Humor Quote by Gemma Halliday — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I need to be casual but not too casual. Dressy but not too dressy. I need him to think I just threw on the first thing I found and that I'm not taking this too seriously or overthinking it or even that I was thinking about it at all. Because I'm not. I'm totally not thinking about him, and I don't want him to think I was thinking about him, but I don't want him to think that I'm not thinking about him, because clearly he thought about me enough to ask me out and it would be mean not to be thinking about him at all, so I need just the right amount of thinking, and I'm not sure if that means boots and a skirt or skinny jeans and ballet flats. Help!”

“I'll go," he said.”

“Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that’s the sound the world makes when it pisses itself.”

“Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here.”

“Death didn't bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Method of death did. Being eaten alive. One of my top three ways not to go out.”

“Are you a female dog?”

“Cheeses crusty, got all musty, got damp on the stone of a peach,” I agreed. He looked blank, so I repeated it with proper emphasis. “ ChEEZ-zes crusty. Got Al -musty. Got DAMp on the StoneofapeaCH.”

“This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.”