Humor Quote by Gemma Halliday — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!”

“I need to be casual but not too casual. Dressy but not too dressy. I need him to think I just threw on the first thing I found and that I'm not taking this too seriously or overthinking it or even that I was thinking about it at all. Because I'm not. I'm totally not thinking about him, and I don't want him to think I was thinking about him, but I don't want him to think that I'm not thinking about him, because clearly he thought about me enough to ask me out and it would be mean not to be thinking about him at all, so I need just the right amount of thinking, and I'm not sure if that means boots and a skirt or skinny jeans and ballet flats. Help!”

“V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”

“Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?”

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

“Why were you lurking under our window?”

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”

“There are some dogs which, when you meet them, remind you that, despite thousands of years of man-made evolution, every dog is still only two meals away from being a wolf. These dogs advance deliberately, purposefully, the wilderness made flesh, their teeth yellow, their breath a-stink, while in the distance their owners witter, "He's an old soppy really, just poke him if he's a nuisance," and in the green of their eyes the red campfires of the Pleistocene gleam and flicker.”