Humor Quote by Kurt Vonnegut — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.”

“1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.”

“Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.”

“I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying for absolutely nothing in the Viet Nam War.”

“Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber.”

“No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X's . . .”

“I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.”

“It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?”

“I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them.”

“I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”

“I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die.”

“I have to go. I have a finite amount of life left and I don't want to spend it arguing with you.”