Humor Quote by J.D. Salinger — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.”

“He said you were the only one who was bitter about S.'s suicide and the only one who really forgave him for it. The rest of us, he said, were outwardly unbitter and inwardly unforgiving.”

“You asked me how to get out of the finite dimensions when I feel like it. I certainly don't use logic when I do it. Logic's the first thing you have to get rid of.”

“Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.”

“when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose.”

“When you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.”

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

“Laughter is carbonated holiness.”

“The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”

“The secret to humor is surprise.”

“Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.”