Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

“Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove!”

“A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.”

“Familiarity breeds contempt and children.”

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

“One of my professors once told me that the last official act of the British monarchy was when Queen Victoria refused to sign a law that made same-sex acts illegal. It would have made me think more highly of her, except the reason she objected was because she didn’t believe women would do anything like that. Parliament rewrote the law so it was specific to men, and she signed it. A tribute to enlightenment, Queen Victoria was not. Neither, as I have observed before, are werewolf packs.”

“You are a delinquent and a plague. Please come.”

“Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.”

“Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!”