Humor Quote by Ellen DeGeneres — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.”

“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.”

“Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”

“You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.”

“I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.”

“The Little Boy and the Old Man”

“He studied my appearance carefully. “You cut your hair.” “Yes. Do you like it?” “That depends. How long is it?” I pulled a curl down and showed him it ended just past my shoulder. He grunted, “That’s still long enough, so I like it.” “Long enough for what?” “Long enough for a man to run his hands through.”

“Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at.”

“A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable.”

“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”