Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.”

“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”

“I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.”

“I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.”

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?”

“If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.”

“Leo lowered his screwdriver. He looked at the ceiling and shook his head like, What am I gonna do with this guy?”

“Wit is educated insolence.”

“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”

“Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas.”

“Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?”

“It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.”