Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.”

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“Life is tough, then you die.”

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”

“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

“Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.”

“What should I say? ‘Well, the murder was a little upsetting, and the fire did worry me a bit. I was nearly date-raped and my ex best friend is crazy. But, hey, at least I’m making an A in History’?”

“You know, I can see more than just the future or the past.”

“Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.”

“Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?”

“Right," Sadie said. "And Set will just stand there calmly while I read him to death.”