Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.”

“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.”

“Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom”

“-BDB on the board-”

“When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her.”

“The integrity of my sleep has been forever compromised, sir.”

“why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid.”

“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”

“I’m not an idiot, Kenji. I have reasons for the things I say.”