Humor Quote by Dave Barry — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.”

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”

“Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?”

“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”

“The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”

“Mary-Lynnette: "You have not read 'Pride and Prejudice'.”

“People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.”

“I hate patience. Slows everything down.”

“Life is tough, then you die.”

“If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.”

“This is what it's all been about with you," he said in an even tone. "All the fear, all the running. The nightmares." When she nodded, he said, "You called him the devil.”