Humor Quote by Dave Barry — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?”

“I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.”

“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.”

“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”

“The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”

“As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.”

“Do little pink fairies sing and dance in your world, Peabody?”

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”

“I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry.”

“I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.”

“I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.”