Humor Quote by Scott Adams — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”

“Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto”

“The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.”

“Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.”

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”

“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”

“Who knows how to make love stay?”

“I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland.”

“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

“A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.”

“Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?”