Humor Quote by Jim Butcher — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Are you always a smartass?'”

“I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.”

“I died. I died and someone made a clerical error and I am in Heaven.”

“If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.”

“See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.”

“Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, "Hey, if you've got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It's an original.”

“Shane, in case we don’t … don’t come out of this, I wanted to say…”

“Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)”

“We had our breakfasts--whatever happens in a house, robbery or murder, it doesn't matter, you must have your breakfast.”

“I will call him Small Bob," said Bob. "He is a good monster.”

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”