Humor Quote by Christopher Moore — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”

“I've won Satan's lottery.”

“Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give.”

“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”

“I love you above all things, even pie.”

“Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.”

“Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.”

“Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.”

“Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.”

“The man once wrote:”

“You could start a fire with the heat between you two.”

“How good one feels when one is full -- how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.”