Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

“So I learned then, that gold in it's native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and that only low-born metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Commonplace human nature cannot rise above that.”

“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

“I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way;”

“I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”

“What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.”

“How can such scary looking parents create something so cute?”

“Are you mad?" I ask.”

“No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?”

“Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about," Charles Wallace said. "Why should I disillusion them?”

“In the long second before everyone absorbs what just happened, I see the angel rolling his eyes heavenward, like a teenager in the presence of overwhelming lameness. Some people just have no sense of gratitude.”

“Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!”