Humor Quote by Justin Halpern — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.”

“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.”

“Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.”

“I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.”

“Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.”

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

“If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.”