Humor Quote by Steve Harvey — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare.”

“You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.”

“Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say no when they mean yes, and drive a man out of his wits just for the fun of it.”

“May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch”

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

“It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.”

“Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.”