Humor Quote by Groucho Marx — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”

“Humor is reason gone mad.”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“Trovo la televisione molto educativa. Ogni volta che qualcuno la accende, vado in biblioteca e leggo un buon libro.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.”

“Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!”

“Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)”

“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”

“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”

“In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.”