Humor Quote by Groucho Marx — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Room service? Send up a larger room.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.”

“How did you kill the Ashman in the forest last year?”

“This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.”

“He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.”

“A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke.”

“Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.”