Humor Quote by Groucho Marx — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”

“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“Room service? Send up a larger room.”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“My rapier wit hides my inner pain.”

“Jace snorted so loudly that she turned on him with a frown. He wiggled his mud-caked fingers at her. His nails were black crescents. "Filthy inside and out.”

“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”

“No single thing abides; and all things are fucked up.”

“Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.”

“Becky Renee Apple - can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with 'BRA'?”