Humor Quote by Groucho Marx — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”

“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.”

“She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.”

“Dear Asshole: Thank you for keeping your word and believing me. It was more than I expected. Also, I'm sorry you were inconvenienced by my gluing your locker shut at the beginning of this year. However, I am not sorry that I did it, because it was a lot of fun. Love, Alex.”

“You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope.”