Humor Quote by William Goldman — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Inconceivable!”

“The Prince found Buttercup waiting unhappily outside his chamber doors.”

“I mean, I really do think that love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. But I also have to say, for the umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.”

“I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you," Westley said, lying pleasantly on the bed. "What I’m going to tell you is this: drop your sword, and if you do, then I will leave with this baggage here"—he glanced at Buttercup—"and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive.”

“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”

“Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)”

“There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.”

“So it's true what they say about warlocks, then?”

“I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards.”

“Oh, Hazel is awesome," Don Said. "She's so nice! All the other campers are like 'Go away Don.' But she's like 'Please go away, Don.' I love her!”

“That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!”

“You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.”