Humor Quote by Woody Allen — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.”

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

“I took a speed-reading course and read”

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”

“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

“I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?”

“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”

“You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.”

“So what? All writers are lunatics!”

“Enough about my beauty," Buttercup said. "Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.”

“Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it.”