Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“Well", Fang said, mimicking a thick Southern drawl. "I must say its mighty nice of them Daimons to clean up after themselves when you kill them" He held his hands up to them. "Look Ma, no mess.”

“So--what's it like, being a vampire?”

“A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.”

“Merlin’s beard.”

“Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!”

“Well? Is it true? Did she?”