Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?”

“Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?”

“Psychotics, say what you want about them, tend to make the first move.”

“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.”

“That's it, cupcake. You're going down.”

“Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.”