Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

“Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.”

“Michael has never cried during a Broadway show. Except in that scene where Tarzan's ape father is brutally murdered.”

“If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.”

“Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.”

“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.”