Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.”

“I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.”

“Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.”

“I hate girls that giggle all the time...”

“My parents are going to kill me!”

“...Where does she get her supplies?”