Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'”

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.”

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”

“Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?”

“Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?”

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

“I guess it’s true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches.”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”